Seasons Change
by civillove
Summary: Blaine thinks that expression about seasons and people is all wrong—seasons change but people inherently do too. Blaine's relationship with Sebastian develops over a series of seasons a Tuesday after he breaks up with Kurt. They're just friends…except for the fact that they've never really been just friends. (Was a Glee big Bang. Slowly posting over here)
1. An Ending

He breaks up with Kurt on a Tuesday.

It's been coming to this point for a long time; he could feel it in the distance between them and the ache that it leaves in his muscles. He does it more out of the fact that he knows Kurt was going to, that it was only a matter of time, and that he'd rather shatter himself than allow his boyfriend (now his ex) to slam him with a sledgehammer into a million pieces.

It still hurts anyways, the knowing in Kurt's eyes, the stillness. The fact that he doesn't even react in a way that's reassuring, that spurs hope. That maybe they could fix this thing only if they tried that much harder. Gave that much more effort.

But Kurt just nods and that understanding gaze just makes him angry.

He still holds onto that selfish thread of optimism; clings to it like a lifeline until Kurt disappears to New York. The thread is suddenly long enough to wrap around his neck and choke him. He thought he'd be okay, because he's the one who did the breaking; he thinks it won't take him long to work through the love of his life being gone. Having vanished, from Lima, from him.

After a while, it's like Kurt doesn't even remember he existed. His timeline and Instagram and Twitter feed are void of him, of friendliness, of everything that's ever made them…well, _them._

An _us._

He thinks after a month or two he'll be okay. That pain will fade with time.

Blaine's not wrong but the hurt is still there, just a little bit. Waiting like a rabid animal at the bottom of his sternum, nipping at his ribs. It rears its ugly head, teeth bare, at the most unexpected moments.

He waits for the day when it won't happen anymore. When he's okay and feels whole again.

000

He runs into Sebastian, someone who he hasn't thought of for a very long time, on another Tuesday.

It's been a while since they've seen or even spoken to one another. Sebastian texted sometimes but Blaine hadn't had the energy to reply to them because he knew exactly where it would lead.

And he can't…or well, he _couldn't_ , allow himself to feel that way when he was in a relationship. When Kurt was his world. Because it's far too confusing (it's not really, but he prefers allowing himself to pretend it is) and complicated and he's tired of arguing over and back again about someone who's as simple as he is complex at the same time.

Blaine watches him from his table at the Lima Bean, eyes glancing over long hard lines as he orders his coffee and shamelessly flirts with the barista. His stomach flip flops in a way that's all too familiar and it takes him a moment to realize that he's _missed_ him. It's little things that he really shouldn't miss but he can't help but work them over in his head, one after the other as he watches Sebastian pay for his latte and lean against the counter.

Like how…they used to be able to talk about everything and _anything._ It wasn't just limited to Broadway shows or New York or Vogue or vague promises about their future. Not really. Or how he'd always wake up to a text from Sebastian, something to make him laugh usually but other times it'd be a flirtatious comment that made his cheeks burn. He's missed inklings about him, the shameless flirting, the heady scent of his cologne, that smirk that twitches at the ends of his mouth when he wants to say something snide but doesn't. Tiny touches against his hand or waist that somehow meant nothing but _everything_ at the same time.

He never really took it all very seriously, Sebastian tended to flirt with anything that had a pulse point. But…he did _like_ that Sebastian made him feel wanted, or talented or special.

He doesn't want it to sound like Kurt never made him feel those things because he did. But it was few and far between and sometimes disheartening. Even though he hates to admit it, their relationship wasn't balanced like it was supposed to be. As much as it appeared to be.

Blaine sits up straighter in his seat as Sebastian starts to walk with his coffee to a table, satchel over his shoulder. He must have come here to do homework; he remembers back when they used to talk that he tried to crank out most of his school work here.

His home life was rarely a topic for discussion but he got the feeling that it wasn't the most welcoming of places. Blaine has never visited his house before. He knows just by the conversations they used to have that Sebastian's house felt like something he could detach from himself. Like it was a place he lived but it wasn't by any means a _home._

He feels guilt settle into his ribcage as Sebastian's eyes look up and spot him. Blaine does this sort of weak wave, he's not even sure he'll acknowledge him because he's wedged so much time and space between them.

He had _wanted_ to be friends…but he figures it's hard for anyone to be 'just friends' with a boy like Sebastian. And Kurt hadn't trusted him so it was either distance himself from Sebastian or create an even bigger chasm between him and his boyfriend. He chose the former.

Blaine regrets that decision among many others.

Sebastian pauses for a fraction of a second before approaching him; like he's not sure he should but then does it anyways. He's missed that sort of bravado, even though he knows half of that is probably fabricated.

"I saw you staring at me from across the room." He smiles slowly and Blaine's stomach does a fizzled swoop.

He scolds his body for betraying him so easily and swallows down the sensation before giving him a soft smile. "I bet you say that to all the boys."

"Just the cute ones with wonderful asses who don't text me back."

Ouch. And there it is. "Okay I…I totally deserve…that one." He frowns, that familiar confusing washing over him as Sebastian does that thing where he seamlessly gives him a compliment and insults him at the same time. He looks at the table because suddenly the pattern of the wood is far more interesting than Sebastian's face.

"Don't sweat it, killer," Sebastian says, moving his satchel and coffee from the other table to join Blaine at his. "I figured Saint Hummel had a lot to do with that. It speaks to my blindingly handsome looks and sparkling personality if you had to stop talking to me because the boyfriend said so."

He grins in a way that shouldn't be appealing and yet it is, completely smug and almost charming, green eyes alight with amusement.

"I'm assuming we're safe if Kurt's in New York." He runs his thumb over the lid of his coffee cup.

Blaine sighs, patiently, leaning back in his seat. "Think we're safe anyways, Kurt probably doesn't even care what I'm up to. We broke up."

Sebastian doesn't say anything for a long moment but his demeanor changes almost instantly. You have to know him well enough to notice it, and Blaine thinks he does, his shoulders drop a little, his expression thoughtful as he looks at him, corners of his mouth dipping.

His voice is a lot softer than he expects when he speaks. "Well. I'd say I'm sorry about that, but I'm not."

Blaine laughs, can't help it because that is _so_ what he should have anticipated Sebastian saying. "I didn't think you would be."

"Who did the breaking?" Sebastian leans forward in his seat, elbows now on the table.

Blaine plays with his empty coffee cup in front of him, wanting a refill for a while now and just never getting up to get one. He gets lost for a moment in the clear green of Sebastian's eyes, counts the freckles on his cheekbones, slight pink brush strokes there. He swallows, his heart beating wildly against his ribcage. Right, of course. How could he forget this is textbook when it comes to Sebastian and how he makes him feel.

It hadn't been just Kurt's idea that it'd be a good idea for Blaine to stop talking to him; and this is exactly why.

"I did." Blaine says but his voice isn't as strong as he wants it to be answering that question. He wants it to sound like he's made a good decision, like he doesn't regret the choices he's made but it doesn't.

"We were just…going in two different directions. I could feel it when he looked at me. The distance…" He shakes his head, chancing a look up at Sebastian. He shrugs his one shoulder.

"I mean I get it. He has New York to think about and—"

"Don't make excuses for him." Sebastian waves his hand, a no-nonsense tone about him. "If you want to make it work, you do. It's as simple as that."

"It's not always that simple." Blaine tries to argue but he knows Sebastian is right, at least, it feels that way in his gut. If Kurt cared enough, if he loved him enough—they would have found a way to make it work. Right? Or at least given them a semblance of a chance?

"It's that simple for me." Sebastian says, giving him a soft smile.

Blaine smirks, can't help it. "Isn't everything?" There's a smile to his tone but it's also wounded in ways he can't pinpoint. Sebastian seems to sense it too because he just hums softly but says nothing for a few moments.

His eyes flicker down to Blaine's empty coffee cup and back up to hazel that's usually a warmer honey color.

"Do you want another coffee?" He asks, hand reaching across the table before Blaine can reply. His fingers graze the outside of his wrist, static electricity snaking up his spine at the simple touch.

His tone of voice asks a different question _You did the breaking but who's the one that's broken?_ but all Blaine does is give him a small grateful smile before nodding his head, pushing his cup towards him.

"Yeah, please."

Sebastian smirks and takes the cup, moving towards the barista counter. He doesn't ask what kind of coffee he wants because he remembers—medium drip with a sprinkle of cinnamon. It doesn't mean anything that Blaine recalls exactly how the other takes his coffee too. It doesn't.

And if he doesn't feel the same grim way about Tuesdays anymore when he leaves the Lima Bean, well, he just blames that on the free coffee.

000

It's a slow and steady process but he and Sebastian start talking to one another again. It's hesitant and unhurried, like a crack in a dam. Drips at first, hints at crumbling, before water seeps through—continuous until everything snaps. Bursts open. Explodes.

Yeah. That's probably a really good way to describe his friendship with Sebastian.

It's a crisp and blue sky Saturday, and he's trying to decide if he wants to make omelets or pancakes when his phone buzzes.

 **Unknown Number** 9:30 AM: So I've been thinking.

Blaine recognizes the number instantly and before Sebastian has a chance to add on to that text, he sends:

 **Blaine Anderson** 9:32 AM: Wow, such a change of pace for you.

 **Sebastian Smythe** 9:34 AM: Aren't you unbelievably sassy in the morning ;) cute.

Blaine doesn't blush over a stupid emoticon. Doesn't.

 **Sebastian Smythe** 9:35 AM: As I was saying, I was thinking that your senior year should be spent at Dalton. We need a new Warblers Captain…and I honestly can't think of anyone better.

Blaine sets his phone down on his desk, staring at the text message until his screen goes black. If he's being honest, he's been thinking about the same thing. Not so much being Captain of the Warblers but going back to Dalton. He's trying to think of the last place where he felt like he belonged, where he felt accepted…special. And while McKinley has done so much for him, has transformed him into a completely different person for better or for worse…he thinks it's time to move on.

After all, he had only left Dalton as a grand gesture to be with Kurt. And Kurt was no longer a factor, heading off to New York to fall in love with another city, another dream, another boy. His friends would understand, wouldn't they? They'd want the best for him?

He licks his lips and taps his phone back on, typing out a short reply.

 **Blaine Anderson** 9:41 AM: You know I was actually considering that but I just…I don't know if I belong at Dalton anymore.

The reply is surprisingly fast, like Sebastian might have anticipated Blaine saying something like that.

 **Sebastian Smythe** 9:42 AM: You're kidding yourself if you don't think that you've always belonged here, Blaine.

Blaine stares at the text for a long time, his heart stuck somewhere between his ribs and his throat. He's felt that way for a while now, even before he and Kurt broke up. He's always felt like such an accessory at McKinley, only put on and used when needed. At Dalton he was a _part_ of the school, of the Warblers; a leader, vital, wanted, important.

He doesn't know why it takes Sebastian telling him what he already knows to make it feel _real_ but it does. He refuses to dwell on that or the fluttering sensation that's still rolling in waves against the bottom of his sternum since Sebastian texted him.

 **Blaine Anderson** 10:10 AM: I can't believe you remembered my number.

He says instead, because that seems easier than anything else.

The reply is quick and simple.

 **Sebastian Smythe** 10:11 AM: I never forgot it.


	2. Summer

SUMMER

So he makes his decision at the beginning of June that he's going to transfer back to Dalton for his senior year. His parents don't try to talk him out of it, they seem to understand that this is something that he just needs to do. His mother smiles at him and kisses his cheek, his father squeezes his shoulder and goes into his study to make the arrangements.

Blaine gives them a simple explanation and doesn't elaborate: "I miss Dalton. I miss the Warblers. I just want to be back there for my senior year."

What he doesn't say is: "I just want to be at a place where I can feel like _me_ again."

His family understands.

His friends don't.

Blaine should have saw that coming, should have known that they'd look at it as a betrayal, as him giving up. Because it _is_ sort of like that, in a way. It's just not for the reasons they're assuming. He's letting go, he's _giving up_ feeling like he belongs at McKinley when he doesn't. He giving up trying to convince himself that he can make it work if he just stays one more day,

one more week

one more month.

And sure, one of the reasons he wants to start fresh is because of Kurt. Because McKinley was their place, it's a school he moved and switched his entire life around to go to, to _be_ with someone he loved. Because of that, everything reminds him of Kurt. Lockers and classrooms and stages and hallways. Reminds him of the good things, sure, but it's the _hurt_ and _disappointment_ that resonate the most. None of his so called 'friends' seem to understand that.

Not Rachel. Not Artie. Or Tina. Not even Sam when he updates his Facebook information.

He gets tired of trying to explain himself to them; nothing sounds right and the wording is all wrong. They're too upset or disappointed or angry to even listen to him anyways. Shouldn't they be supporting him or at least asking him _why_ before jumping all over his case with accusatory glares and long talks about loyalty? He sighs, closing his laptop lid and rubbing his temples, his phone buzzing a bit on his bed.

Blaine moves to go look at the text (nervously because he's worried it's another set of text messages from Tina, all in caps) but it's just…Sebastian.

 **Sebastian Smythe** 1:04 PM: Told you that you were always a Dalton Boy ;)

Blaine shakes his head but can't help but smile. At least someone understands.

000

The month of June bleeds by pretty quickly, days and weeks disappearing into the sweltering sun. The weather has been gorgeous, kind of too hot in a bunch of ways, but Blaine's found things to keep himself busy without dissolving into a puddle. He's spent time with Sebastian over the beginning of summer twenty times.

Not that he's counting, or anything. He's not.

Just…today is the twenty-first time.

Sebastian is usually the one to initiate it but the more Blaine spends time with him, the more he starts to relax, the more he starts to feel okay around him again. Like they can actually pull this friend thing off this time around. He doesn't say as much, because saying it out _loud_ changes it somehow. He wants to be friends with Sebastian and he doesn't at the same time—

is afraid he's going to hurt him again, or worse, end up the one who's hurt.

He convinces himself at a certain point that Sebastian is relatively harmless, it's not like Sam and Tina are even talking to him much anymore—trying to put distance between them, he guesses, for when they end up as rivals when school starts up again.

Blaine can't even _imagine_ what they'd say if they figured out how much closer he and Sebastian had gotten since he broke up with Kurt. Hello to passive aggressive Facebook updates and angry texts in caps. No thank you.

He's fine keeping Sebastian to himself. Not like a secret, never like that but…Sebastian makes him feel _good_ about who he is, who he's slowly becoming by being more independent, about his decisions. He doesn't feel judged or like he has to explain himself…he can just simply _be._ And that means a lot to him, more than he thinks Sebastian even realizes.

The constant flirting and the flustering or blushing that comes with Sebastian is one thing…but Blaine thinks he can deal with that. He actually sort of likes it. Not the bright red cheeks or the way the other smirks at his predicament but feeling…attractive? Wanted? Yeah. Who wouldn't like that?

"Remind me again why I keep deciding that hanging out with you is a good idea?" Blaine asks, adjusting his sunglasses as he spreads out on a blanket.

"Because of my stunning personality." Sebastian says without opening his eyes, leaning back against one of the trees their blanket is against. "And it's so fucking hot out you were probably hoping I'd take my shirt off in front of you."

Blaine smiles softly and rolls his eyes, turning to lie on his stomach, facing Sebastian (who still has his shirt on, not that he's disappointed or anything). "It _is_ hot out." He says pointedly.

Sebastian opens his eyes at that, sitting up to ruffle the mess that is Blaine's curls in this heat. "Cheeky, Anderson."

The shorter huffs quietly and swats his hand away, he turns the book he's reading (or trying to read and getting immensely distracted) over so he doesn't lose his place. He has no idea why he brought it along anyways, Sebastian had texted him about hanging out in the park, blanket and all under a tree. The breeze is nice but it's _humid_ and hot air being blown around while it's ninety degrees doesn't do much to cool you down.

"I think I'm melting," Sebastian complains, pulling his t-shirt away from his chest a moment. "I don't sweat this much during sex for Christ's sake."

Blaine scrunches his nose, slaps the other's thigh with the back of his hand for too much information. "This was your idea." He says, looking back down at his book. He contemplates turning it back over and reading while Sebastian continues to complain about the weather.

There's a certain comfort in that, in sitting on this blanket with Sebastian in the park, under this tree, their bodies close together but not touching except for accidental brushes. He relishes feeling comfortable in his own skin, that they can either talk about anything or nothing at all. Blaine remembers this effortlessness with Sebastian; it hugs him like a long lost friend, like something that's always been in the back of his memory just _waiting._

"I know, maybe I didn't want you to spend another _summer_ day holed up in your room, nose in a book." His long fingers tap against the front cover of the book in front of him.

"Oh, you mean in _air conditioning_?" Blaine snorts. "Right, that sounds so _awful_ right now, thank you for saving me from it."

"I appreciate a good book as much as the next guy but there are times to read and all summer is not one of them." Sebastian closes the book and he makes a noise of protest. "You're using them to hide in, anyways."

Blaine blushes; he blames it on the heat. "I am not."

"You _are."_ Sebastian's eyebrows lift and Blaine suddenly hates him for knowing him so well like the snap of his fingers. It's quick, efficient; he can't be _that_ easy to read, can he? No puns intended as he watches him pick his book up. "You can read all summer long and you'll still have to take some make up classes for next semester. I highly doubt that _public_ school prepared you for anything let alone senior year."

He sits up a bit, kneeling; making a move to grab the book but Sebastian yanks it to the side. "I'm not worried about catching up." He's not; he's always been really great at school. At Dalton. It'll be a lot of hard work and it's going to be stressful, there's no doubt about that, but he's ready.

Blaine glares at him even though he's forcing down the corners of his mouth so he doesn't smile as Sebastian continues to hold the book away from him. Quick snaps to the right with his wrist, right out of Blaine's reach. "Why are you looking at this when you _could_ be staring at me?"

He makes a noise that's something between a scoff and a laugh. "Did you seriously just say that? Oh yeah, you're so _tantalizing_ sitting there, melting, complaining about the heat."

Sebastian waggles his eyebrows and he nearly tumbles into his chest trying to grab his book, there's a smile that he can't hide on his face now. The taller hums. "That's just the foreplay, next I intend on whining about your taste in summer book reading—"

Blaine takes advantage of the moment Sebastian is distracted and launches himself at him, his chest colliding with the other's, knocking him down from leaning against the tree. Sebastian makes a soft noise as his back hits the grass, laughing as he tightens his hold on the book even though Blaine already has his fingers wrapped around it. Around Sebastian's hand.

He's grinning wildly, curls a messed mop on his head, panting gently against Sebastian's face. Sebastian smirks, his one hand resting on Blaine's lower back, innocently, not leading to anything more even though he _probably_ could cop a feel and get away with it.

"Give me my book back." Blaine says, can feel Sebastian breathing against his chest, how his ribs dig into his own, stomach pressing into midsection.

The taller huffs out a small laugh, breath speckling Blaine's face. It smells like toothpaste, wintergreen, it does weird things to his stomach.

"If I would have known this was the reaction I was going to get I would have taken your book a lot sooner."

Blaine didn't really feel hot before, didn't feel the heat press into the pores of his skin, making sweat gather at the back of his neck. But now? _Now_ he feels hot _._ Like he's melting.

He eventually rolls off of him when he hears an ice cream truck approaching, because wow, _yes,_ ice cream sounds like heaven right now even though it'll probably dissolve the minute he gets it out of the wrapper. But Sebastian offers to buy and it's something perfect to distract from the heat.

Except he still feels that same _melting_ feeling down to his very bones as he sits with Sebastian and eats ice cream, eyes wandering over to him to watch his lips wrap around his popsicle. He has no idea whether that's a good thing or an _incredibly_ bad thing.

000

Blaine watches Sebastian's mouth open and close like a goldfish and feels that familiar sense of blush rise onto his cheeks and sneak down the back of his neck.

"So wait, you're telling me…" Sebastian trails off as he pulls his keys out of the car. They've been driving for a while now to reach their destination and okay, maybe Blaine should have told him this before they left.

At least he didn't tell him while he was _driving,_ the comical shock seems to be a bit much that he's sure they would have ran into a highway divider.

"You've never been to the beach." Sebastian states and Blaine shakes his head, a small smile on his face.

"Cooper hated sand so it's not like any of our family vacations were beach destinations." He quips, looking out the window at the scenic view of Headlands Beach State Park.

Sebastian had been talking about coming here for a while, it was only three hours away from Lima and the prospect of sun, the waves and gorgeous views with seagulls and, okay sand, was enough to drag his mind away through everything he doesn't want to think about. He had nearly jumped at the offer when Sebastian mentioned casually that he was thinking about a small beach trip, that he knew people in Mentor who'd be more than happy to see him.

It was the perfect opportunity for him to get out of Lima, to welcome the open road like it might swallow him up, taking him further than Ohio. Not New York, farther maybe. Farther than the United States. He thinks he'd like France if Sebastian went with him. Not that they could drive there but the feeling of getting up and moving, of driving away, of leaving things behind—he likes that far too much.

Even if it was only three hours.

"Where did you go on vacations instead?" Sebastian asks as they start heading out onto the sand. It's hot from the sunshine and it spills into his sandals and between his toes as they trudge through with towels and a cooler full of ice water.

"Woodsy things, like camping and stuff." Blaine says, lying a towel down once they've picked a spot. He adjusts his sunglasses on his nose. "Went to Disney World once."

"How enthralling." Sebastian notes, sarcastic tones slipping onto his words and hugging them as they leave his mouth.

"Was better than Lima."

"Most things are." The taller points out before he sits down on his towel, pulling out a tube of sunscreen. He rubs it into his shoulders after he takes his shirt off and Blaine can't stop himself from chewing on his lower lip, eyes counting the freckles on his skin as he does.

"Are you checking me out, Anderson?"

Blaine turns a bright pink before shaking his head, clearing his throat and trying to act natural because yes he totally _was_ and it was _obvious._ Sebastian smirks and shakes his head tugging at Blaine's t-shirt.

"Please tell me you're going to take this off. Seems only fair I get to ogle you too."

Blaine swats Sebastian's hand away but can't stop the small smile from tugging at the ends of his mouth before he lifts up the fabric and sets it beside him. He's hyper aware of how Sebastian's glance travels over his chest, lingers on his shoulder blades, drinks him in. His eyes kiss his collarbone, his sternum, dip against his stomach and back up again.

But…it doesn't make him self-conscious like he thought it might. Then again, Sebastian has always had this way about him where he knows exactly how to push his buttons. Where he makes him feel flustered and sexy all at the same time.

"Get my back?" Sebastian asks, handing him the sunscreen before turning around.

Blaine swallows and squeezes the tube in his hand, wanting to trace a few freckles with his fingertips at the base of the other's neck, wondering if they make a shape or not.

He clears his throat and squeezes out sunscreen and rubs it together against his palms before covering Sebastian's back, following the dips of his muscles and the long lines that make up his body. He probably spends too much time with something as simple as making sure his back is protected from the sun…but if Sebastian notices, he doesn't say anything.

His hands fall from his back, his gaze looking out at the water and the waves crashing gently into the shore as Sebastian turns back around. Because…this place is great, the water is great, the view is beautiful and he has to stop thinking about the span of Sebastian's back and how he'd like to kiss down the knobs of his spine or rub his hands against other parts of his body. It's way too hot out for this.

Sebastian gives him a lazy grin before glancing down at the sunscreen. "Want me to rub yours too?"

The general question is enough to snap at Blaine's attention and his head whirls back around. "What?" He squeaks and Sebastian smiles slowly, all bright pine green eyes. And for a moment Blaine is convinced that he's some sort of mind reader.

"Your shoulders, Blaine." He says gradually, tilting his head a little. "But please, if you have some other better suggestion let me know."

Blaine huffs like he hasn't turned the color of a fire truck and shoves the sunscreen at him. "No. Thanks."

"So polite about it too." He teases, motioning for Blaine to turn around.

Blaine shakes his head, closing his eyes as Sebastian's thumbs circle the muscles on the back of his shoulders and sink lower. His stomach flutters even though he tries to squash it as his hands hover against his sides, thumbs tracing the base of his spine before sweeping upwards. Sebastian rests his hands on his shoulders and Blaine tries to ignore how he leans back into his touch, subconsciously, that it's so simple to get lost in how it feels to have skin against skin.

"One of these days you're going to stop trying to resist me."

He smirks softly but says nothing. Part of him is worried (but intrigued) that Sebastian might be right.

"Alright, what's wrong?" Sebastian asks as Blaine winces for the sixth time since they've left the beach. Sixth. It really has nothing to do with him but apparently Sebastian is starting to wonder and get insulted if he's making faces in reply to his 'great' pickup lines.

Blaine frowns at him as he sticks the cooler into the backseat of the car, obviously not realizing he's been doing it that many times until Sebastian speaks up. The sun is dipping past behind the clouds, making everything have a slightly pink hue. He wishes they could stay longer, until the sun completely disappears, orange and pink glow going with it. But his mother sent him a text an hour ago, wondering when he was going to be home.

And regardless of how much he just wants to pretend he doesn't have anywhere to get back to, that he doesn't have responsibilities and baggage and hurt and ache waiting for him to get home, to latch onto him once again…he knows he can't avoid it either.

The beach was beautiful and perfect, like living inside a postcard. Sebastian was charming and gorgeous, most of his mind preoccupied with replaying what he looked like going into the water to cool off for the first time.

Droplets of water cascading down the lines and muscles of his body. Blaine following them with his eyes, wanting to trace with his fingertips. The way it felt for the taller's wet palms to slide against his waist, to haul him into the water even though it was _ice cold_ regardless of the hot day.

"Nothing." He says, rather distantly. Because surprisingly, his mood has nothing to do with heading back home even though he's not ready to leave yet.

Sebastian rolls his eyes and shuts the driver's door, grabbing his t-shirt from the backseat to put on. Which, _finally,_ because Blaine's been preoccupied for the last half hour watching Sebastian's muscles relax and contract as he puts things away in the car. It's a weird sort of distraction in which he's caught between staring and not making eye-contact all at the same time.

"My sexual innuendos aren't _that_ bad." He teases, leaning his shoulder against the other side of the car where Blaine is standing. The shorter smiles softly and shakes his head. "And contrary to what you may believe I can make _many_ about your ass without repeating myself."

"Sebastian…"

He puts his hand up and halts his sentence. "I know you're hesitant to go home but…we can always come back. Anytime you want." He says quietly and for the first time it's _Sebastian_ avoiding looking him in the eyes.

Blaine stares at him for a long moment, perhaps seeing him for the first time in a long time; reminds him of back when he was dating Kurt. When they'd stay up till the early hours on the morning talking on the phone about things they couldn't say face to face. Personal things. Things they pretended they never spoke about when the sun kissed the clouds and earth again.

"If you ever get the feeling you want to run away," He smiles. "Call me. I'll come with you. I'll drive you. Wherever you want to go."

He wonders, for a moment, if he's given the impression that he _wants_ to run away. To get away from Lima because memories are there. Because that's where his heart hurts the most. And he knows it'll fade with time and he doesn't _really_ want to leave home behind forever. But he's caught in this _trap_ of sensations anymore where he feels like bolting and anchoring himself down for the long haul.

Blaine steps forward and touches Sebastian's arm, squeezes gently, lets his fingers linger there for a few moments before giving him a soft smile. Because that _means_ something to him, even if he can't quite put it into words.

"It's my back." He says, by way of explanation to an earlier question that he feels has disappeared with the sun. "It uh…it hurts." His statement hangs awkwardly in the air for a few moments.

Sebastian frowns, creases appearing between his eyebrows as he tilts his head at him. Like that's honestly the last thing he expects Blaine to say. Their previous conversation fades away with the last specks of sun, warm orange releasing its embrace around Sebastian's body. He shivers as the taller's hands settle on his shoulders, turning him around. He lifts his shirt quickly before making a small smirking noise.

"You've got sunburn."

"Well don't sound so smug about it." Blaine wisecracks, jerking a little as Sebastian's fingers slide down his spine, skin hot, prickling, and sensitive even to a soft touch.

"I told you to use more sunscreen."

The shorter huffs, trying to pull away from the other's hold on his shirt. Sebastian moves to hold him still, making the wrong judgment call in pressing his hand to his waist and squeezing.

"Seb _astian!"_ Blaine squawks, batting his hand away, hissing out a noise as his sunburn throbs.

"Sorry, sorry," He tries not to chuckle but it hugs some of his words.

Blaine flushes. "It's not funny!"

Sebastian covers a hand with his mouth, shaking his head, smile still _clear_ behind his fingers. He clears his throat and speaks again, more sincere sounding. "Sorry." His eyes tick down and up his form and Blaine backs up a little instinctively, like he's not sure where Sebastian's hands are. "Though, you squirming _is_ kinda hot."

Blaine groans, head tilting towards the sky in exasperation. "You're the worst."

Sebastian hums, leaning into the still open door of the backseat to riffle through their beach bag. "And yet," He says, pulling out, waving a green bottle at him. "I have aloe."

The light of the day is quickly burning out of the sky, leaving the breath of humidity around them like a blanket. He can still see Sebastian's form pretty well, especially with the car door still open. He reaches for the bottle but it's yanked from his reach, a smirk tugging the one side of the other's mouth.

"Come on, you can't aloe up your own back. I'll do it." He motions for the front seat. "I'll be on my best behavior, I promise."

Blaine watches him for a moment and looks at the aloe, licking his lips. He can't make the drive home without _something_ on his back so he buckles and sighs, moving towards the front seat. Sebastian smirks, wordlessly moving to the driver's seat to get in. The shorter sits down sideways, legs still sticking out of the car, back towards the steering wheel.

"Unless you say otherwise, of course." Sebastian says, a shiver coursing down Blaine's spine as the heat of his breath brushes against the shell of his ear at their proximity.

He tilts his head a little to look at him, Sebastian giving him a slow smile while rolling the bottle of aloe between his hands a moment. "You wish." He tugs his shirt up and over his head, letting it rest on his upper arms.

"Definitely." The taller chuckles, squeezing aloe onto his palms. He sets the bottle aside and before Blaine can prepare himself, the cool lotion splays across his back.

He tenses, closing his eyes, but Sebastian's fingers work soothingly against his skin, his muscles, working it into his sunburn. Blaine lets out a slow breath, muscle after muscle, bone after bone, unwinding into the other's touch.

"There you go." Sebastian whispers, his thumbs pressing the back of his shoulder blades and Blaine knows that has nothing to do with his sunburn. "Better?"

Blaine turns his chin, glances back at him as Sebastian's fingers continue to massage taut muscle. His back doesn't sting as much as before, from sunburn or stress. He almost doesn't want him to stop, nearly closes his eyes and leans into it. Leans back into him. The warmth of his fingertips. Of his hands. His body.

"Much." He says softly.

Even though the weather is ridiculously balmy, Blaine can't help but think about snow. About ice when he looks at Sebastian. Seemingly cold and unforgiving on the outside but…gorgeous in a way that should be admired. He smiles gently at him, Sebastian catching the look and giving him a soft smile back.

One that he knows is reserved just for him.

And just like snow and ice, when held close for too long, it melts.

000

July blends into August and a theme for Lima must be end of the summer festivals because he's been to three so far, tonight being his fourth. Tina and Sam decided to talk to him again, which okay—he's not even sure why transferring back to Dalton encouraged a full blown ice between them but it had. He's not going to dwell, he's just glad the ice has thawed.

Because regardless of Sebastian keeping him company, he's missed Sam and Tina more than he can actually say. Even though he'd only been at McKinley for a short amount of time, both of them have become important parts of his life. People he could talk to and depend on. He's missed his _friends_. So the first and second time to a festival had been with them, the third with Cooper (apparently not even his L.A. loving brother can resist visiting when it comes to funnel cake and candy apples) and the tonight he's with Sebastian.

Even though he's been to this same carnival three times, when Sebastian asks, he can't say no. There's something infectious about being around Sebastian, something he can't exactly name or describe but that he _feels_ feels whole around him, like he's not broken, like Kurt hasn't taken pieces of him that he hasn't gotten back. That he's not sure he ever will.

Blaine doesn't know how Sebastian fills those spaces in his chest, doesn't question it in fear that an answer will cause the chasms to widen past hope of repair.

"I don't even understand why Lima has these damn things, it's a poor excuse for a fair." Sebastian scrunches his nose at a petting zoo near where they're in line for different kinds of apples.

The woman who's behind the counter looks offended as she hands Sebastian his candy apple and Blaine his caramel one. He tries to smile to do damage control, offering her a nice tip and tugs Sebastian away before he can make another crude comment.

"You're the one who invited me," He says, tapping his caramel apple against Sebastian's candy one.

The taller hums, taking a bite from his apple before grinning at him. "I know, I wanted to win you a bear from one of those games."

Blaine feels a flush crawl up his cheeks even though he knows Sebastian is just teasing him. "And yet you still haven't." He points out, displaying his very empty arms where a stuffed animal should be.

"They're all rigged." Sebastian states (because it's not for lack of trying, he _did_ attempt to win something just for the sheer prospect of winning but after ten bucks and zero stuffed animals Blaine had to physically _pull_ Sebastian away from the games).

"Or you just suck." Blaine comments, poking at his lack of mastery for simple carnival games with a grin.

Sebastian scoffs, looking down at Blaine with a very slow smirk that tells him he's said _exactly_ the right thing. "Oh I do," He winks. "Very well, thank you."

Blaine rolls his eyes but a fond smile tugs at his lips, warming his belly before he focuses back on his caramel apple. They walk close to one another in the crowd of people doing odds and ends things at the fair, their arms brushing, shoulders bumping into one another's every so often. Or well, it's mostly Blaine's shoulder hitting the other's arm because of their height difference…not that he's hyper aware of things like that or anything.

They stop at the corner of the carnival to throw away the sticks from their apples, Blaine noticing a Ferris wheel just behind a few food stations. His eyes light up rather instantly and Sebastian must realize what he's excited about because he's already started shaking his head.

"No."

"Oh come on," Blaine pouts, tugging on Sebastian's arm as he starts taking steps back. "Please?"

"Don't pout." Sebastian warns but his lower lip just juts out more in response. He smirks but still tries to move away from the Ferris wheel. "I mean it, I'm more likely to kiss you than take you on that damn thing."

He clamps down the sentence that wants to flow right out of his mouth, that he's fine with _either_ option if he's being honest.

"Oh well if _those_ are my options." Blaine teases, his hands falling onto Sebastian's sides. He tickles him a little, making him squirm, digging his fingers into the fabric of his shirt to yank him forward as he's distracted.

While Sebastian ends up nearly smack up against his body, he's not relenting. "No." He glances up at the Ferris wheel as it starts to move, apprehension making his shoulders tense. "Absolutely not."

Blaine hums softly as Sebastian tries to pry his fingers from his shirt. He leans closer, up on his toes, nearly grazes his lips against the other's. Sebastian looks surprised, amused maybe, but doesn't move as his green eyes flicker over his mouth.

"Are you scared of heights?"

He has no idea where this surge of confidence is coming from, to toe the barely there line that he has between Sebastian and himself. To breach the wall that teases between space and sexual tension; they've always seemed to have this unspoken agreement, this constant back and forth where neither take one step too far.

Sebastian's probably afraid of pushing him away, Blaine afraid of making a choice that he might regret or can't come back from.

Whatever the reasons, it seems like he's promptly ignoring them tonight.

"Am I scared of something that looks two hundred years old with rusting rickety bars held together with scotch tape and could probably kill us?" Sebastian asks in one breath, warm air that smells like sugary candy bouncing off of Blaine's lips. "Yes. Yes I am."

"Come on," Blaine frowns, fingers resting against Sebastian's sides now but with no intention of tickling him this time. "Please? I'll make it worth your while."

Sebastian smiles slow and easy as he shakes his head. " _That_ is not playing fair. And it's not going to work on me."

The shorter pulls back with a small huff but keeps his hands on Sebastian's sides, thumbs rubbing into circles absentmindedly as he looks at the Ferris wheel. He can't honestly remember the last time he was on one, not even the times he came to this very festival with Sam, Tina and Cooper. But he has a sneaking suspicion that the last time had to do with Kurt, like so very many 'last times' usually do.

He's not trying to cover up that memory, really he's not. He's not trying replace _any_ memories he's had with Kurt or pretend they never existed. His ex-boyfriend was a large and important part of his life. But does he want other memories to go with those now painful ones? To equal them out so he doesn't have this severe haunting ache in his chest? Yeah. He does.

He really does.

Sebastian sighs, noticing him staring at the Ferris wheel like he's planning to go on with or without him.

"Alright, _alright._ I'll go. Stop looking like a kicked puppy." He chastises, his hand slipping into Blaine's effortlessly to drag him over to the ticket booth.

Blaine barely has time to register that they're _holding hands_ (not standing so close that they brush, not bumping into one another, not Sebastian slinging his arm playfully over his shoulder) because he's grinning like the sun is about to come out of his mouth over the fact that Sebastian's caved.

"So…Ferris wheel for a blowjob seems like a pretty fair trade." He states, the ticket person nearly choking as he says it like they're not even there as he pays.

Blaine snatches the tickets and gives the woman an embarrassed smile before yanking Sebastian away. "I can't take you anywhere, I swear to God. Also no."

Sebastian's mouth opens in mock offence, his palm pressed to his chest. "I'm endangering my life going on this Ferris wheel the least you can do is give me a blowjob." Blaine shakes his head, not even trying to hide a smile anymore.

"I'm not opposed to making out either."

Blaine pulls Sebastian up the ramp when it's their turn to board, two festival employees holding the seat down so they can get situated. When their seat tilts back and the bar is placed over their laps, the shorter adjusting the seatbelt that's resting high on their thighs, he finally notices how tense Sebastian is.

He tries to hide it as the Ferris wheel starts to move but his knuckles turn white from squeezing the bar so hard in front of him. Blaine's eyes tick from his hands up his forearms, all the way to his face where the muscle of his jaw is working. And… _oh._

"I didn't know you were _actually_ scared of heights, Sebastian. I wouldn't have dragged you on here."

Sebastian glances at him, trying to relax his body limb by limb. He shrugs his shoulder. "I'm not. It's fine."

He smiles softly, shaking his head before rubbing his thumb over his knuckles. "You're squeezing the bar hard enough that it might actually snap in half." He teases gently, the Ferris wheel swooping them back onto the ground before taking them back up again.

For as old as the Ferris wheel appears to be the ride is very smooth…until the workers start letting people off to load new couples on and they jerk to a stop seconds away from the very top.

Sebastian actually makes a _squeaking_ noise before clearing his throat. He groans and snaps his eyes shut, shaking his head. "Swear to God, the things I do for you Anderson."

Blaine laughs, leaning forward a little. "You didn't have to—"

" _Stop leaning forward._ "

He snaps back in his seat, tipping it back a little, the panic _clear_ on Sebastian's face. He looks over at Blaine like he's just singlehandedly prompted the Ferris wheel to fall apart. Blaine shouldn't be smiling, really, nothing is funny and Sebastian looks like he's _seconds_ away from pulling his curls out, but he's just…he's never _seen_ him like this. So open, exposed, like a raw nerve. It's almost refreshing, that someone as cocky and confident as Sebastian can be brought back down to earth—even if it is from a Ferris wheel.

"Stop looking at me like that."

"I'm not looking at you like anything." Blaine insists with a soft smirk, slowly leaning back against the seat so he doesn't rock the cart. The ride moves but only for a few seconds and they crank to a grinding stop at the very top.

Sebastian groans, shaking his head. "This is ridiculous."

"You didn't have to come," Blaine smiles, bumping his shoulder against his. He looks back down at his hands before sliding one of his own over the top of Sebastian's. "Would you relax?"

" _Relax?_ You want me to relax? We're hundreds of feet off the ground—"

"That seems a bit dramatic."

"—on a rickety ass Ferris wheel that keeps sounding like it's about to snap in half every time we move—"

Blaine licks his lips before leaning against his side, pressing a soft kiss to his cheek. Sebastian's breath catches in his throat as he looks down at him, the pressure that he's had on the bar in front of him easing slightly. He gives him a soft smile, chewing on his lower lip before bumping his nose against his jaw, the rest of Sebastian's sentence leaving his mouth in one pent up breath.

"—and you want me to relax."

Their eyes connect, green boring down into hazel and Blaine plants another kiss against his jawline—just long enough to distract him, just in time for them to reach the ground again.

And then it's over.

He pulls back, hands shaking slightly as he stands. "See? That wasn't so bad now was it?"

Sebastian stares after him for a moment before disembarking the Ferris wheel, following him back into the crowd. It only takes a few minutes for the tense like grip that's surrounding them to slowly dissipate, things returning back to their usual banter and arm brushing and Blaine winning a bear for himself at the skeeball game because (surprise) Sebastian still sucks.

They get to the car when the carnival ends, lines of traffic starting to get out of the parking lot. So they sit for a while, the bear resting on Blaine's lap as Sebastian finishes off another candy apple.

"This was nice." He admits, to fill the silence. Not that it's uncomfortable but…because he just wants to talk to Sebastian. He enjoys it. He actually misses it sometimes when they part from one another.

The pulling sensation that comes from enjoying someone's company so much that all you can think about when you part is when you're going to see them again—Blaine's only felt that with one other person before. It's surprising in a way that it's…not really surprising at all.

"Yeah, except for my near death experience." Sebastian states wryly, turning the car on.

Blaine smiles slowly, shakes his head a bit as he looks over at him. "And yet you survived. Maybe you could write a book, go on _The View."_ He teases.

Sebastian sets down part of his candy apple in one of the cup holders after wrapping it in a napkin. Blaine doesn't watch Sebastian lick the sticky sugar off his lips as he eyes the traffic around them. He turns the engine on at least to get some cool air circulating throughout the car, soft music speckling through the speakers like when they had arrived.

"My first copy would go to you, could even sign it with a special message."

"Yeah," Blaine air-quotes with his fingers. "'Dear Blaine, you owe me a blowjob.'"

Sebastian laughs, leaning back in the driver's seat. "Well I wasn't going to say it like _that."_ He winks.

Blaine looks at him a long moment, that fluttery sensation still flurrying behind his ribs like butterfly wings kissing his bones. It's a warmth he can't really _describe_ except for the fact that it reaches every part of his body. Down to his toes. It's only amplified by the sound of Sebastian laughing, the noise even tugging his lips into a genuine smile.

He leans his body forward, bear still sitting on his lap as he turns his shoulder so that he's facing Sebastian. His stomach knots with the worried sensation that he should stop, that he should back down. But he's tired of ignoring things he _obviously_ feels because he's scared. Kurt, when he allows himself to think about him, was safe. He was safe and comforting and—perhaps even boring. He was never worried about being with him. Things were, in a sense, very predictable. He knew what to expect.

But Sebastian?

Blaine is _terrified_ of him. Of what it could mean to just lean in and kiss him. Of where that might lead to, of where it might _not_ lead to. The truth is he doesn't _know._ And that not knowing? It scares him.

But the longer he sits there, the longer his eyes start to trace down Sebastian's jawline, the longer he feels warm just from sitting next to him. The more he starts to think that the thing that scares him the most is _exactly_ what he should be doing.

So without another thought Blaine closes the space between them and kisses Sebastian's lower lip. Sebastian hesitates for a moment, like he's not sure this is what Blaine wants but then buckles. Like the bricks in a wall deteriorating; one, then two, then the whole damn thing.

He cups Blaine's neck and pulls him closer, a soft moan leaving his mouth as Sebastian's tongue grazes his lips but doesn't go any further. They both pull back a bit breathless, lips red and wet, cheeks tinted pink.

"I apparently owed you some kisses." Blaine says by way of explanation.

Sebastian smirks, their noses bumping before he nips at his upper lip. "Well…it _is_ only fair, I did almost plummet to my death."


End file.
